Three years ago I became pregnant and I'm not and have never be married. I felt such shame for so long because I was walking with the Lord when I became pregnant. I beat myself up for so long. I didnt dare go to church. I felt so much guilt for once again falling from grace and now pregnant.
There was a night I was journaling and God told me " I am not mad at you. So stop living as if I am."
When I had my baby that night in the hospital I felt so lonely. Baby was in nursery and my family was home and I wondered what it would have been like if I was married and the babys Father was there and wanted to be there and so happy that he had a daughter. But he wasn't there and I wasnt married and I just wept. God showed up and loved me so sweetly until I feel asleep.
What God showed me through this time is that with sin there is death, death of spirit. I learned in my "hiding" That when we do sin it breaks God's heart and I felt that pain and it broke me. See God does not want us to not sin because He is all about rules what you can and can not do. . He does not want us to sin because he knows the pain it will cause us and he knows the seperation we feel sin brings. We are really never seperated from God he is always there. But the guilt and the shame builds up this wall from us to God and leaves us feeling seperated.
These days I am so in love with my children and I could not imagine life without them! They have blessed my life in so many ways!
So what the enemy meant for destruction God once again turned it into a testimony of His never ending all consuming Love and GRACE! I just had to keep the FAITH through the fire!
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