A little something about me:)

I believe in love and I believe in happy endings. I cry when I watch chick flicks and I think that baby animals are so precious. I believe in loving someone for who they are and not what they do or have done. I know there is good in everyone, no matter how "mean" they appear. I believe in 2nd and 3rd and 100th chances. I love to eat chocolate and I dream of traveling on day. I hope for the unknown. I have so many dreams I know will one day come to pass. I make my own decisions and I am independently a Christian. I do not bow down and never will to any human only to my God. I think it is sad when I see others of leadership trying to take the place of God. I pray for their misguided sheep. I can not stand to see anyone being bullied, and I pray for the hurt within that causes this bully to be mean. I do not watch the news alot because it makes me sad. I love to write and to read a good book. My calling right now in life is being a mother and I dearly love being a mother! I greatly enjoy laughing and making others laugh. I am my own worse critic and I am still in the process of having confidence. I dream every night and some nights I waked up a thousand and two times. I love the color purple and pink. One of my biggest fears is that I will leave this world never knowing the unconditional Godly love of a man. I am in a process right now of God putting things in my life that should not be there in the fiery furnace and it is a lonely road but so rewarding at times. I hate to clean! But love to cook. I do not read the bible as much as I should. I pray all day everyday. I never meet a stranger. I ramble when I am nervous and I cry when I am angry. My memory has years that are blank to me and others that are a distant. God is bringing back to me memories of things that I totally forgot about. I am overprotective of my children and always will be because I know what is in this world and I will do all that I can with Gods guidance to protect them. I like to learn new things and to research topics online. I believe that if you hurt over and over by someone you should let them go! Love does not hurt! It takes time to get them out of your mind and longer to get them out of your heart but time heals and the longer you stay away from this person and block any kind of contact or anything that reminds you of them, then this will speed of the healing process! Out of sight out of mind! I know what it is like to be so totally wrong about someone and they are not who you thought they were and I know the pain that goes along with that! Distance is the key!!

Fatherless Generation

I have felt alone my whole life and never knew where I belonged. As a child there was always this group of girls I wanted to be friends with but they always treated me like an outcast. When I was a teenager in foster homes I would try to feel at home but I never did because they were not my family and I never felt that love from them. I was bounced around so much that not getting attached was a defense mechanism I established within so that it would not hurt when it was time to leave. When I came to live with my grandmother at 15 almost 16 I was so use to not getting attached that it was now a way of life. I had a few friends that I became attached to and are still friends to this day. But when the parties started and the drugs and alcohol I was still that little girl trying to feel loved and accepted and so I did whatever I had to do to feel that way but yet keep people at a distance so that the attachment would not happen. Its hard though when your heart is involved. I became in love I thought with one guy, my first love, and that turned into disaster and my heart being torn into pieces because He never loved me back. So once again the walls went up and to love anyone I would never allow myself. So for years I would go from one group of friends to the next, never belonging, never felt any kind of love and at times not even kindness. I always dated guys that were trouble and had that Predator Spirit about them and took whatever they did to me and stayed because I was a lost puppy at one point in my life and desperately needed anyone, someone to love me. I lowered my walls at this time in my life, because I felt so empty. Even when I was high and or drunk I felt empty and so I found a guy that even if He "loved" me at night when no one was around I took it. Because for the night I belonged to someone and someone loved me. Then morning came and he was gone until the next night. This was a viscous cycle I allowed myself to be in for such a long time. I even pretended in my mind that He Truly loved me and one day He will take me away and marry me. Of course that never happened. Then one miraculous night came; I was laying on the floor sleeping in a crack house, well passed out, and I came too and I was so tired of it all! I cried out to the man I thought left me many years prior. I know that sounds crazy me envisioning Jesus as a man, but to me envisioning Him as a man that can relate to what we as humans go through helps me to Believe and Have deeper Faith yet still have the Awe and Respect. And He met me there amongst it all He came down and in that moment I knew everything would be okay. I cant explain it but I had this crazy peace just wash over me and it felt as if Jesus was holding me like a father and that's what I was so desperate for, A Fathers Love, a simple loving Fatherly Hug! I am writing this because today in this fatherless generation it is so evident if you listen to the heart cries and look past the actions, you will hear the cries for a father! So desperate for that love and for that protection but fill that need with sex and drugs and acting out in numerous ways, this will work for a while but then It will no longer fill that emptiness and rock bottom comes. When rock bottom comes one of two things will happen the heart cries will be met with the love of a Savior, or the heart cries will be met with the lies of a Predator! To be there and to earn the trust of those that are in such desperate need of Love and Guidance is the greatest weapon we have against the Predators and the Predator of our soul! Love and Trust is vital building blocks on this road to redemption. And Judgment is the quickest way to send them into the arms of the Predator, or a Predator! I have been face to face with so many different types of Predators and they use to scare me but now all I feel is an urgency in my spirit to educate and let be known the ways of a predator. Knowledge is power and we need all the power we can have to stand and fight for this fatherless generation we are currently loosing! No one wants to hear that we are loosing a generation, its sad and means defeat. We would much rather believe that we are winning this fight. All you have to do is turn on the TV and not even the news, watch any channel and you will see that this generation is centered around sex, acceptance of everyone and everything, and lust. We may be loosing this battle of the flesh and the spirit of lust and predator spirit, but Praise God its not to late! Its not to late to reach out and to love them to Jesus! The evilness that is in control may be strong, but Our Father in Heaven is So Much Stronger! We need to open our eyes and allow the knowledge of God to fill us so that we know how and what to do to reach this generation. I wish there was a formula that we could follow to reach them, but each person is different and so the way to reach them will be different. However the foundation is always the same and that is with the Love of Christ. When the True Love of a Father meets a desperate to be loved generation, This is when the Great Harvest of Souls will be birthed!

Untrusting Heart and Paralyzing Fear No More

I remember being on drugs and alcohol and being so blasted that I just passed out. As I was passed out things were done to me by individuals that I trusted and thought cared for me. This was over 10 years ago, but happened so many times that it broke something deep within me that made me not trust anyone and be so full of fear. This fear and trust issue paralyzed me for so many years from being all that God has created me to be. It was not until I took that first step of faith that the fear started to not be so strong. And when nothing bad happened to me the fear became less. Trust started to build when I felt the Love of Christ totally saturate my being! It was the sweetest most purest love I had ever felt and I heard God say to my spirit "I am so sorry all those horrific things happened to you". This made me fall to the floor and just weep for such a long time. But when I was done weeping it was like that shame and that guilt that fueled my untrusting heart, was gone. I am still a work in progress and will be until the day I go to Heaven! But being able to Trust and not always hiding away in fear is so very liberating and has allowed me to step out in Faith numerous more times and numerous times to come! I know bad things will happen but I know that I have a Father who loves me and hides me in His shadow and this gives me the courage to Be all that My Abba has created me to be! His LOVE is my Shield and my comfort and the reason that I am still here today!

Pray

You have to hold on to the dreams and visions that God has given to you no matter what comes your way to steal it from you and make you doubt and not believe that what God has spoken to you in those late hours of the night will come to pass. Its so easy to get caught up in the issues of this world that we live in and it will burden you so. But do not be down and let the burden become so heavy that it blocks out the love of God. It can happen! Just turn on the news and within ten minuets you will be asking "Jesus where are you". You have to take that burden to the cross and leave it there. God does not burden your heart to way you down, He places a burden on your heart so that you can stand in the gap for whoever the burden is for. There have been many times I will just sob,not cry but sob and I could not tell you why I was doing this. What this is, is your spirit travailing. Your spirit knows why and so you should just allow the tears to flow and pray. Pray in your spirit with the language that your spirit communicates to God with. Prayer is so vital for the day we live in! Prayer is the only thing that is going to usher in the Great Awakening that we are so in need of! If ever there was a time to travail in prayer it is now! So much darkness all around and the Great Falling Away from Christ is starting to happen. Pray! We need to turn the Great Falling Away from Christ into The Great Awakening. We need to turn what the enemy meant for His Glory into the Glory of God! We can not accomplish this with selfish ambition and prideful dreams! We have to have a selfless heart and dreams that are for bringing the lost home. This generation can point out fake in a heartbeat! They want to see real and translucence individuals that have a heart to love and to spread Hope! They want to see that we are all humans with the same sinful nature and have fallen but have gotten back up! We can no longer separate ourselves but need to join together in one accord, with one goal, To bring Glory to God by spreading His love light in the dark places! There is a generation waiting on us, counting on us, longing for us, to tell them there is another way, there is hope, there is love, there is peace!

One Step at a Time

I have to say I am actually very happy that God did not totally take it all away when I was brought back to him after being on the streets. God allowed the woundings, pain, hurt, and the mind games to remain so that while I was walking through the wilderness, allowing him to transform me from the inside out, I would learn from what was, so that what will be, would be eternal! He had to allow me to face the darkest of dark times so that I would trust Him completely. God allowed me to be hurt over and over and to hurt others, so that He could teach me the power of words. God had to allow my mind to be transformed one day at a time, with His word and Promises. God had to allow my heart to be shattered into a million pieces so that I would learn to look to Him for Validation and not other people!! One layer at a time, One tear at time, one step..Before you know it that mountain that you were climbing is just a small shadow that is far behind you. Just believe:)

The Predator Spirit is Real!

Women: When you are looking for a mate and you have had an absent father..You may be actually looking for that father figure! Which the "Predator" spirit will use this "father seeking" so to His advantage and you will be sucked into a web of heartache and complete imprisonment before you know what happened! ( I have had this happen numerous times in my life!) So instead of going with your own emotion and feelings, allow God to place the Man of God He has for you into your life. Do Not go searching for a man out of your own inner woundings from your past, because that same victim spirit is there and you will only attract and be attracted to the "predator spirit". Your victim spirit will be in AWE of the "Predator Spirit" Your hunger for a father will be filled with the enemy's Hunger for Innocence! My whole life I was only drawn to and attracted to one type of man, one type of what I though Personality. But God showed me it is the "Predator Spirit" that I was attracted to unknowingly by my flesh but my spirit knew. So please just be careful and Pray and Seek first Gods direction for you and if You having a man is in the Plan God has for you, then I promise God will bring Him to you in His timing and Not yours!!

Let Go

To Be Free in Christ but to still hold on to disappointments and pain from yesterdays..Is like fishing without any bait! You can say you have freedom, but with anger, hurt, shame, and guilt still plaguing you, you can not receive the love of God because you do not feel worthy of it. You are just standing on the pier of life with your past as the fishing pole and freedom floating below but you can not catch it and maintain it because you have to let go!

Sweet peace over takes stress when you trust in God

The moment I take on my finances and see no way is the moment I seriously stress! But if I keep my Trust in God, cause He has always provided, then I have peace:)
This took me such a long long time to learn! After so many mistakes and stress I caused on myself! I would much rather have the peace over stress any day!
This is for any aspect of your life! When you try to take the problem on all by yourself, your going to feel stressed and overwhelmed! But if you give it to God and stay under His covering and know that you know God has Everything under control..then that sweet Peace will saturate you!

Your spirit fights for you when your flesh is weak

What amazes me is your spirit is awake when you sleep and is battling for you! I experienced this last night! I was asleep sound asleep but I remember my spirit speaking through me " I Rebuke you in the name of Jesus!" It wasn't me who said that but my spirit because it was different. I can't explain it but it was! That brings to life for me the words "Greater is that which is in you than that which is in the world". Oh how Jesus loves us so!!
When we are weak, so tired, feel so worn down and can not battle any longer our spirit battles for us with the direction of Jesus! HE wants His children to win and to not give in when our flesh is weak! He has us covered with His love and protection, even when we do not deserve it, He is right there saving us from the enemy and from at times ourselves! That is unconditional love and Amazing Grace!

Construction on Gods true Church is at Hand

It does not matter if you are 15 or 85, if you have been a Christian 5 months or 30 years. God does not look at that He looks at your heart and your heart alone! Just because someone says you are a "baby" Christian don't let their judgment persuade you to think you are not just as "Christian"  as they are! What really irks me is when someone who is in a position of a church thinking they are more "Christian" than someone who is just coming to Christ is. They are no different in the eyes of  God! Yes they may or may not be more knowledgeable but that is all!  God really showed me lately that the people in positions at churches, and the cliques that are there, is such a small small issue in the big scheme of Gods plan! Think about it: we all have that one person or more than one that think they are "High and Mighty and Holier than Everyone" because they have some little position at a church. But if this same individual or individuals travel outside their city or their clique they are unknown just like all the sheep that attend a church are.
I personally would rather be unknown sitting in the back of a church than act like it is a privilege for someone to be in my shadow! It saddens my heart because these type of individuals have no self worth and no confidence, for if they did they would not want to crush peoples spirits and say to them in their actions "you are not as Holy as I"
God is bringing people off their pedestals and lowering their status because he  wants them to get the "God" complex out of them so that they no longer hinder His kingdom and His precious sheep!
The shaking of the foundation of the True Church is going on and you are going to see God weed out those that are called to Lead and those that manipulated their way to the top.
So do not be discouraged if you are feeling less than due to an act or acts by someone whom is abusing their power and not acting in Holy Spirit power to lead Gods sheep from the land they are in to the higher call, God sees all and knows all  and those that have glorified themselves and not God will be brought down to the level of being humbled before the King.
God loves these individuals just as much as he loves his sheep, so he will handle the situation in His own fatherly way and out of the public eye!
So Hold on my precious friend for Gods True Church is under construction and once the construction is completed we will once again Be the church from the Days of Old that made it all about Jesus and not Status!

God LOVES His children and He knows that we live in the flesh and that our spirits are weak at times and we all have that thorn in our flesh. So His Patience is so abounding,  but He is not going to be fooled! 

Just Believe!

Do not be troubled and do not be discouraged if what you have been praying for has not come to past yet. God is just aligning those events, and those people in the order they need to be in, so that you are the Blessing to them and they are Blessing to you, and your Prayer is the miracle to you both!
Just Be still and know that He is God and He has all the plans for your life in order waiting for the right time for your Destiny to be birthed.
Birthing something supernatural into the natural before the full spiritual gestation and in premature time can cause the dream/destiny/miracle to die and never reach the full potential of all that it is suppose to be!
So Just believe and let you faith be nurtured and grow, so that when the time of destiny and desperation collide, you are all that God created you to be with supernatural strength and unshakable faith!

LOVE not JUDGMENT

As followers of Jesus, servants of the Lord, we are to Love beyond reason and never cast judgment. Because to us forgiveness was given and we are to be the light in the darkness, the city on the hill! We are to LOVE and not JUDGE!!  Love guides, Love helps, Love teaches and directs, Love is compassion, Love is forgiveness, Love is the way and NOT Judgement for any sin or any way of life! Just because others sin different than you do sin is sin! If we judge than we will be judged! You don't have to agree with the lifestyle someone lives or their actions/behaviors  but you should love the person not the behavior! They are children of God just as much as you and I! 
What if Jesus looked at us when we  were in the world and full of sin/lust/envy/addictions/hatred and so much more. What if He said  "I cant help you because I think the way you are living is wrong and does not agree with the Holy Word. No forgiveness to you!" Well I for one am so glad He did not and would never say that to anyone! So how come we can so easily judge one another and condemn them to Hell for their Sin? First off we are not God and we can not literally condemn anyone to Hell, but the words we say and the judgment we pass can cause spiritual death and have the individuals running in the opposite direction of the cross. 
Love freely and give of yourself to those who so desperately need Love and not judgment! Trust me they get enough judgment from within themselves than they deserve. I have been there I know! The love the passes all understanding is the only thing that is EVER going to get this world back to Jesus!
Just because you Love the individual and not the Sin does not mean you are saying that you agree with what they are doing or how they are living! What you are saying is "I do not agree with your lifestyle but I love you as a person. I love the child of God that you are. We all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God, but you don't have to stay there. Let me love you, let me show you what unconditional love is." This will open anyone's heart to receive and to know that they are not alone!
Below is a picture of how the "world" views Christians! Who can blame them! because of years of religious laws being pushed down peoples throats telling them all they can not do and if you do you go to hell, but not one time teaching and showing them of LOVE, the real true LOVE of a Father!. Judgment has to be replaced with Love and if you want to see this world humble themselves to their knees then we need to pray for the church to learn to LOVE without Judgment, not even spoken judgment, judgment in the heart! We need to break the religious spirit off of this land and allow the Spirit of Jesus that is not just about Laws, but of Love and forgiveness to sweep over and replace the bitter heart with hearts of praise and understanding! 

Sometimes

Sometimes you have to fall before you can fly,
You have to cry out before you understand why.
Sometimes you have to let go to move on,
You have to admit weakness to be strong.
Sometimes you have to give up and give in,
To fight the battle to win.
Sometimes you have to face the darkness of fear,
So that you will know that Gods love light is near.
Sometimes you have to admit you were wrong,
So that you are able to heal from the pain you have had for so long.
Sometimes you have to swallow your pride,
So that in offense you do not abide.
Sometimes you have to go with your heart,
Allowing yourself to love and for true love to start.
Believe in yourself, hold on to your dreams,
And Remember in Jesus you can be more than you ever thought you could be!

MP 7/8/14

Love the ones that show no Love

The ones that are full of anger, and fight you off , and keep you at a distance. Are the ones that need love the most. Their anger is really Hurt and their actions are a cry for help. So no matter how many times they try to push you away and no matter how many times their anger gets to you Remember: Jesus Loved you when you were unlovable and so who are we to not show that same love and forgiveness.

Great Awakening is at hand

We are set apart for such a time as this! Do not be dismayed or weary! For the great awakening is at hand. It will not look like the Great Awakenings of the past , for this is different. Times are darkest than ever before so this called for an Awakening like never before seen. Be ready, Be Bold, Do not be discouraged for your hour has come:)

Choose today to Live

This day choose life, choose love, choose to be free from any chains that bind you! Choose to love those that show no love, choose to be brave when you are faced with those giants, choose to let go of what will never be, choose to laugh instead of cry, choose to sing instead of anger, choose to be all the you were created to be. Choose to live and forgive! Choose the one who loved you first! Because He chose you!

The Spiritual Realm is So Very REAL!

The battle between good  and evil is a very real thing. Just because you are a Christian doesn't mean the battle stops. It just means that now instead of just going with your flesh and doing whatever you feel like doing no matter the consequences, you now have Jesus with in and now when the thought or the urge to do something that you know is wrong or is sinful you have a battle between your fleshly desires and now your Godly desires. This battle can be so intense at times that you can physically feel the battle going on. I'm serious. Your flesh and the voice of the enemy can be so strong no matter how long you've been a Christian. Those desires will still arise. But see the spirit of God that now lives within is much stronger than any force of evil.
If you have ever watched any horror movie and I have in my time. You know that the evil comes out in those movies when it is dark and the evil ones on those movies do not like the light. That's because God has always been light. Even if those producers didn't make the evil ones scared of the light on purpose, they have spirits too. And you're spirit is what communicates with God. So they unconsciously made these movies like that. But their spirit knew.
When I was on drugs I would always hide out  in my house during the day when I was high but at night I always came out to party. If I went out during the day I was so paranoid cause I just knew everyone who saw me would know I was on drugs.
The love light of God shines into the darkest of places to bring hope and life in those dark places and to drive out the evil with love.
The spiritual realm is so very real both evil and good. I have personally seen first hand this to be true. But so many run away from this truth and do not want to believe it either because of fear or because they do not want their perfect little bubble of  no evil reality to end. But to understand your enemy is to have knowledge and knowledge is power. I am not saying to go investigate the evil realm at all. But to at the least agree that it is real is knowledge and that God can work with.
It gets me that we can live  in a world with evil doings all around but if we try to tell someone about the spiritual realm good and bad..they turn a deaf ear.
To believe in God you have to believe in the Devil. To believe in God you have to acknowledge the angels and to believe in the Devil you have to acknowledge the demons. I know it's much easier to acknowledge angels than to acknowledge demons and that had alot to do with media and movies..But the difference between movies and reality is Jesus is real and lives within His children and He always wins the battle because He won it for us all them years ago on the cross.
I use to be afraid of the enemy and would back down and give in because I was afraid. What I would see would scare me and I would run so fast. But see that had a lot to do with the confidence of God within me and the power He has given me, given us all as His child. I no longer run away in fear but stand boldly on the fact that God is for me and loves me and the power of God within me is much stronger than any force of darkness that tries to come up against me. That is true for all of us who are children of God!

Stability is Growth

I have never known stability my whole life until recently. I have never known what it means to establish a root system that is secure and will last. As a child I grew up in a home that was full of love, but no stability. My momma tried she really did! But see my dad was in Indiana and she was going to nursing school and being pretty much a single mom to three children herself. My parents had their own battles with addiction that overtook them at times, as it has my brothers and I in later years, but I knew without a shadow of a doubt that my parents loved my brothers and I so dearly! My father came back into picture when I was 8 and the addictions my father and mother had caused them to leave for days and even weeks at a time. So I learned from an early age to not get close to anyone they leave.
See I was in the state of Tennessee custody from 12-15 and in over 30 different facilities and foster homes in those years. So I learned to never get settled in anywhere and get close to anyone cause I could be placed somewhere else the next day, usually by my own misbehaving or running away.
When I came to live in Alabama with my grandmother I made some friendships but it was never hard for me to drop them because that's what I have always known. Then when the drugs started that was perfect for me because I can't tell you anyone's last name's or even real names because we never told anyone. Also when I was on drugs, I like my parents did, left for days at a time and usually ended up all alone walking down streets because I was either left or choose to leave the people I was with.
So being alone never had bothered me much. I feel much more comfortable in the walls of my home. It's what I've always known never get to close to anyone and never let anyone know the real you. It's safe. I am learning how to have relationships that are real and last. I am learning not to run when I feel I'm letting people get to close. So much has changed and been healed for me.
I still have a ways to go. But isn't that what this life is about is being in the process of healing and restoring what was lost so that we can be used to love others and be a light in the darkness.
So if you know someone who is titled as "the loner" don't judge them. They may too just be living what they know, what has grown to be a comfort mechanism wrapped in fear and don't know how to have relationships. I've been there! I know:)
And if you are the one who is learning to have stability and let others get close to you. What you have to do is one step at a time. Ignore the voices of fear and allow your self to be open and vulnerable in a safe place. For me it was at my church during worship. I would just close my eyes and allow God to flow down around me and the tears just fell. This is healing and is Growth. Pray for God to surround you with strong and trustworthy  Christians  so that they can show you what a friend is and teach you how to be one in return. And before you know it you will be a social butterfly with no fear just trust! God will lead you through the healing process. You just have to allow Him.

A Fatherly Hug

Have you ever felt you just wanted someone to just hold you and say "it is all going to be ok" and just by that hug and those words you knew they were right. That fatherly touch of reassurance you are so desperate for!
I'm being real it's in moments of  uncertainty that you're Faith is strengthened and your trust In the Lord is growing.
What I would give to have that fatherly hug  And feel the reassurance and peace flush over me!
So see your not alone! I am right there with you on this walk of Faith!