Love that Saves

I remember one of my lowest times when I was in the storm of addiction. I had been at some strangers house and we smoked crack all night and I saw things I wish now I never had. This guy we left and went to another one of his friends house and he pretty much pimped me out that day to his friend and he left and left me there. This guy offered me some of his pills he takes and I didn't even ask what they were and I took them. I then left his house when he passed out and walked down to my guy friends apartment. I was so disgusted with my life with everything. I felt so alone and that the only thing I was good for was my body and my life would never get better. I tried so hard to stay sober and I had times I stayed sober. I felt so dirty and used up and decided I was done with life with this battle. I was done with it all. No one loved me I was thinking. Which wasn't true cause my family loved me but that wasn't enough. Why couldn't that be enough to keep me clean! That night I was on the couch and my guy friend was in his room asleep. I just wanted it all to be over! I wanted it all to stop! I needed silence! I took hands full of pills while tears dripped down my cheeks and drank it down with beer. I remember of all things I remember when I finished the beer I layed back on the couch and said I am sorry God I tried. Next thing I remember is coming too in ICU on a ventilator. I was so out of it and was hallucinating so bad. At one point I remember seeing this beautiful garden and I was trying to get out of bed and go to it. They ended up tying my hands down. I also remember trying to talk to my mom and it made sense in my head what I was saying but the words coming out of my mouth was Gibberish. The doctors were worried about brain damage cause they were not sure how long I wasn't breathing for. Cause see that guy whose house I was at left for work about 5 or 6 in morning and when he came home about 430 or 500 that afternoon I was laying on floor face down not breathing. He said he just sat in chair cause he thought I was just passed out. He received a phone call from someone who said they were FBI and asked where I was and he told them I was on the ground and they asked if I was breathing and whoever it was on other line called 911 not this guy. Ok this was not FBI! Why would they call asking for me,? At that moment? I don't know who it was but I do know it was divine intervention!! 
No matter how dark your life may seem and you want to end it all. ..God is there to save you from hands of death. . Even if you don't want to be saved. HE will save you because He loves you and He sees the Amazing future you have ahead of you even though all you see is darkness! He will never let you go! Look what all I had done just days before! Drugs, prostituting..And yet God still out of His love and mercy saved me from me and from death! He didn't see the mess and filth but He did see His daughter whom He loved and adores!